all the things she says

where's cammy?

2008-03-06T18:51:00.005-05:00

I haven't written in a while. It's not that I am too busy to or anything. It is most likely because I don't have anything to complain about anymore! This town really has affected my mood for the better!

Recently I have found that I am very interested in RPG games and a friend has gotten me addicted to one called Tales of the Abyss. Apparently this is one of many "Tales" games. I never thought I would be the type to start playing video games obsessively. I mean sure, PackRat and Scrabulous can keep my attention for hours on Facebook, but those aren't the same. Being as ignorant as I am to the gaming world, I have no idea what I am doing just yet. I don't know the terms or anything and I still feel kinda like an outsider entering this whole new world when I go over the guys house where we all get together and play. But I just follow the story line and kick some monster butt when I have to. I guess that's the point though, huh? But the story and the detailed character costumes are what keeps my attention I think. Oh and I love the Wii games! Haha. I get really into the tennis one. And the bowling. Thank god I personally don't have any game consoles or else I wouldn't leave the house!

I'm also still getting the hang of driving around up here in Philly. Now that I'm more familiar with the streets and the stoplights being on the right hand side like a stop sign, I can maneuver around much better in a minivan (which is not so "mini" compared to my neon which I am used to!).

2008-02-24T01:59:00.002-05:00

Oh, Pann. I never knew you loved tofu so much. :) And yes, you can haz computer pillow.

tag! i'm it!

2008-02-23T18:47:00.003-05:00

Pann tagged me!

The Rules:

# Link to the person who tagged you
# Post the rules on your blog.
# Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
# Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. (Im not doing this because I only read about 3 blogs total.... if you read mine and want to play.. ill leave that up to you. )
# Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged. (lets not and say i did :) im such a spoil sport. lol)

Here are my random factoids.

1. At age 20, I still suck my thumb. It's the most embarrassing thing I can share. At night, I will start off with my hand under my pillow or body... yet somehow it always finds its way into my mouth before morning. And it's always my left thumb.

2. I like making ATC's, also called Artist Trading Cards. And then I trade them with people all over the world. I learned about them when I first lived in Philly at an event during the Philadelphia Fringe Festival. That was about 4 years ago and I have been creating and trading ever since.

3. I love watching colorguard/winterguard videos on youtube. Here's one of my Favorites

4. I was really young when I first saw the movie Jurassic Park and it scared me so bad i ran out of the house. I think it was the first scary movie I ever watched. To this day I still occasionally have nightmares about T-Rex's stomping down my house and crushing my dad's old blue GMC Jimmy.

5. I was a girl scout for 11 years. It was so much fun! I would love to volunteer my time and be a leader someday!

6. The first time I actually thought about how wide the world is and realized that my family isn't the only thing I will ever know was when i was about 4. I was jumping on my bed wearing a blue dress with white polka dots. I remember it very clearly.

7. This one is the hardest to share. I only believe in God so I can be mad at him for what happened to my mom. When I was 14 she would have bad headaches and her Dr. discovered she had a brain aneurysm. She was operated on but the dr made a careless mistake causing stress on her brain which resulted in sezures and she went into a coma for a few days. She was also sexually harrassed during her stay by a janitor at the hospital and she coudn't defend herself due to results of the surgery. She went into the hospital as what I think of as my mom. She came out paralyzed on the left side of her body and unable to care for herself, let alone her 14 and 12 year old daughters. Her memory was affected a little and her personality changed alot. I can;t be around her for long periods of time because it hurts so much and I can't do anything to have her back the way she was. I know I should be grateful she is alive but it's not the same. I'm very ashamed of how I see this but I don't know how to change the way I see her. I miss my mommy. I know it isn't her fault.

i made it to philly!

2008-02-19T23:38:00.003-05:00

Wow, it has been a while since that last post. No I didn't die in a horrific plane crash! However I was in air an extra hour or so due to an ice storm in Philly. Joy.

Holy cow, where has the time gone? I seriously love it here. I get to live with awesome cousins who have awesome children (not just saying that because I know you read this pann! ^_~) And everything is just... AWESOME! LoL. I need a thesaurus.

So far I have spent my time adjusting to the move. I can't say it has been hard because Pann and her family have been so wonderful! They redecorated a room for me and I LOVE it. It is so bright and colorful. I am so thankful that they have welcomed me with such open arms.

I am also trying to adjust to the cold.
*What is this feeling? Where is the warmth of the sun? Where are my Palm Trees?!*

And the days are going by so fast now that I have something to do and people to interact with.

So thats where I have been. But I promise I will be back soon.

first step

2008-02-11T13:29:00.001-05:00

I have made my first step on my journey to Philly. Yesterday I said my goodbyes to family and friends in PSL,FL. NL and I picked K up from her parents and set off for the West Palm Beach train Station. I will be staying with K today and she will drive me to the Miami airport tomorrow. I am kind of sad at how I left NL. He was handing me my luggage and then the train conductor announced "Step clear of the doors". I leaned out and kissed him quickly, said, "I love you" and, "Goodbye." I really wish it hadn't have been so rushed! I am going to miss him ALOT! I love him and I know he understands that I have to do this for me. I just wish I could have held onto him for a few moments longer.

i can't really sleep...

2008-02-10T04:45:00.000-05:00

...so I'm watching Jeff Dunham Clips. This guy is a ventriloquist with many personalities... so far this is my favorite...

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

woohoo

2008-02-10T00:18:00.001-05:00

I just got rid of all 3 of my prom dresses on freecycle, too!

Bye, bye chains of bondage! I shall rid thineself of clutter!

freecycle

2008-02-09T20:52:00.000-05:00

Ever since Pann mentioned it in one of her blogs, I have been poking around on my county's freecycle. This is a site where you can offer up items you want to be rid of but dont want to doom to an eternal life in a landfill. I haven't had any need for items I have seen posted yet, but today I did complete my first successful cycle!
I have been packing to move to Philadelphia, as you all know, and I have a few things I know I can't bring with me. So I posted them. And about 30 minutes ago someone picked up 5 pairs of shoes that had alot of use left in them (a few I haven't even WORN before.... what? they were on sale!) I know I never would have thrown the shoes away but it is nice to know that someone else will be appreciating them now. One pair were my prom shoes from 2 years ago! Another I bought from Avon only to find I hated them. Yay... less stuff!

Now back to packing... >_<

return to philly, cont.

2008-02-08T07:46:00.000-05:00

Now, back to that post I started...

When I was 16, I moved to Philly to stay with my Aunt D and Uncle L. My life changed. First of all, these people were the first adults who said I could call them by their first names and drop the formal Aunt/Uncle. Wowza! (I know, I was sheltered) I was also introduced to independence, equality, performing arts, and Philly Cheesesteak Sandwiches (Yum!). In turn, I became a whole new person. I developed a personality and confidence, where before I was a follower and adapter. I learned that I was someone worth knowing. I was the happiest I could ever be.

But then I came back to Florida. Ok, yeah, Florida is great! For vacations. And retired people. For young adults who need to have fun and learn and broaden their horizons, not so much. Almost every girl I know in this area (that is around my age) falls under one of 3 categories.

1. Married or engaged to a Marine/Naval Officer/etc
2. Pregnant
3. In a Nursing Program

I, however have no desire to be married, pregnant or a nurse.

So... when the opportunity arose to move back to Philly, I JUMPED,
LEAPT,
BOUNDED,
POUNCED!

Philadelphia has soooo much more than my little hometown. It is such a diverse and freethinking city. It is someplace I can see myself living forever... and be happy about it! I really cannot wait to return.

And this golden opportunity has been given to me by no other than the magnificient Pann. My delightful ly demiurgic (just learned that word... forgive me if misused!) cousin-in-law. She has offered me a room in her home and I in return shall take care of her youngest daughter while she begins a new job. I feel so priveleged to be apart of this family- I really adore them all!

packing...

2008-02-01T19:30:00.000-05:00

Wow. I have to get packing! I haven't even started! I have no idea where to begin.. I dont even have a suitcase!

return to philly

2008-01-26T00:23:00.000-05:00

First let me say...

Yipeeeeeee!!!!!!! WooHoooooo!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!! HooRaaaaaayyy!!!

Ok, now that that's out, I am soooo excited to be returning the place that brought the real me out.

I just realized this post is meant to be a long one so I am going to have to return later to finish it! LoL.

to be continued...

relationship issues.

2008-01-17T22:57:00.000-05:00

Ah the time has come. I am questioning my relationship. Why you may ask? Well for 2 reasons.

1. I am 20 years old. I can't even drink legally. I have been with my dear NL for 3 year this coming thursday. N is 22. We both haven't really ever gone out and experienced a real adult single life. So when we see our friends out and having fun we want that too. It doesn't seem to work when we go out together with a group of people. N has his kind of people and I, well I have no people. I have KW but she is usually in Miami and when she is in town she has her budding relationship with a guy here (which I am in full support of)

2. N and I are slowly moving apart. He has been a provider in our relationship. I have been a burden. I was very childish and have come to realize my mistakes and I am working on them now. However this does not change the fact that the past year's finances have weighed heavily on N's shoulders. He loves me and I love him but it is just to tense for us right now. With our lease ending next month I think it may be a good idea for us to go our seperate ways for a bit and start over. Not necessarily break up but live seperately. Have space. I know I am not ready to move into a house with him. I still have dreams of returning to Philadelphia and my favorite family members!

I know what I need to do if I want to be happy but it is so damn HARD! 3 years of being one way is going to be so hard to change. What have I to lose? I know N will be here for me if I need him, there is no doubt in his devoution.

But then there is a 3rd thing. N and I are so different. He goes out almost every night to talk about and look at cars. I won't go with him because car talk bores me. I prefer plays and art shows. N hasn't been to a single one with me. I love to read and stretch my mind. N loves cars. I think what I am trying to say is N bores me. But he is so loving and cuddly. I don;t think I could ever find someone who cares about me as much as he does. But I think I need more.

Am I being selfish?

new year, new life?

2008-01-12T17:41:00.000-05:00

It definatly seems so. In some ways good and in others... not so much.

Good
I have returned to the chilrdcare field- yay! I missed working with little kids! I know this is what I was meant to do! Now, hopefully, I can get my butt in gear and get back to school too!

I started writing again. I haven't really done this since I was about 16 and in Philly... well technically Iquit writing after I came back to FL FROM Philly. Not alot of people know I like to write because I am too self conscious about it. Im afraid of criticism basically. But I think after I take a few more english and writing classes I will regain confidence.

Bad
I haven't heard from my best friend KW since December. I called on New Years and ended up leaving a message. Thats all I have gotten since then is her voicemail. I was worried she was hurt or something but I called her sister to find that she isn't. She has been in regular contact with her mother so she is ok. I'm hoping she is just really busy with school because otherwise, there really is no excuse for this lack of communication. It must be school and work.... right?

My sister has had her hands full with her children. Last month the oldest R (16) broke his foot playing soccer. He had to leave his job at Publix and was out of school for a good while. Two days ago, her younger son S (10) broke his wrist (playing soccer as well) He had to have surgery to realign all of the bones. I told her she needs to watch out for her youngest child, her daughter A (6). At least she isn't in soccer this year!

Well I have limited time on the net tonite so I am gonna have to be going.. Hope to be back soooon!

happy holidays!

2007-12-26T21:52:00.000-05:00

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas! Heres a summary of my holiday...

Christmas Eve I made Squash Casserole and Snickerdoodle cookies and took them to my parents house. Dad made a Ham, fresh greenbeans with saltpork, fresh candied yams, and he also made cheescake and pecan pie. Mm Mm Mmmmm! Haha. NL came with me and when we left them we went to NL's friend JP's house. We ate dinner with them as well but there food was MUCH different. They had what NL says is a traditional Catholic Christmas dinner. We had stuffed squid, spaghetti w/marinara, shrimp scampi, and this seafood salad with shrimp calamari and OCTOPUS! (suckers and all!) Ok so I ate the shrimp and squid but... the octopus was where I drew the line. I tasted it and I didn't hate it but I couldn't get past those suction cups.... I'm getting a little squemish thinking about it now..LoL! So after that we went to NL's Cosuins house to visit some of his family and have dessert... again. We left at about 11:30 because some of the more religious family memebers were leaving for midnight mass.

Christmas Day we slept in. (Santa didnt come to our apartment this year lol) We went to NL's sisters house for breakfast and she gave us each a gift. Then we took NL's father lunch because he had to work. After that we were off to NL's brothers house to make lasagna. We hung out with some of NL's cousins and played some Texas Hold'em. We ended the night by going out and seeing Sweeny Tood The Demon Barber of Fleet Street with JP and NL's Cousin SW. I really enjoyed it, But JP didn't know what is was and when the first scene started he looks at us and says, "I just payed 8.50 to watch a musical? F*@%" He got over it though.

Today N and I looked at a house that he is going to make an offer on. Its a brand new 3/2/2 and has a nice size yard. It's a short sale and the Bank is asking 129,000. Another buyer made an offer so were going with 120,000 and hoping for the best. I love the kitchen and the master bedroom's closet. We are really excited about this house. It's in a wonderful neighborhood and located near I 95 and shopping centers and schools. I think it's a really good investment. N's parents are going to put in the up front cost (about 20,000) and N has been preapproved for a mortgage of 110,000 but should end up with one for less than 100,000.

So thats whats going on here. More to come, but for now... Im going to bed. Nighty night!

little friends

2007-12-17T11:43:00.000-05:00

I have an ant problem. OK so I know I should try to keep my house a little cleaner... especially the kitchen.. But here is what baffles me- There are NO ANTS where the traces of food are. The ants are actually in my bedroom. NS and I discovered this one night after getting in to bed only to be bitten. He has three- I have 13! It seems that the little buggers are crawling out from under the carpets along the walls and crawling up the side of our bed. So I spent the entire night cleaning up the bedroom and vaccuuming the ones I could get and then went to walmart to buy ant traps. I don't understand why they would be in the bedroom because we don't take food in there. My only guess is that they may have been retreating from rain? (it had rained the day before for about 12 hours on and off and into the night causing up to miss the meteor shower!!)

just another day...

2007-12-06T14:15:00.000-05:00

Nothing much to tell about lately. NL turned 22 on Monday. We celebrated tuesday night at the Jensen Beach Ale House. He had a good time but I was a little depressed. I felt bad because I din't want to bring him down but it is so hard for me to socialize the way he does. NL just opens up to everyone. I on the otherhand am so self concious I just sit in a corner and hope noone notices how much fatter I am. Yes.. that's exactly what I do.

Anyways, Tis the season! And I know its not going to be a very merry one for me this year. I couldn't addord a gift for NL. I also won't be able to get anyone christmas gifts. And my sister JA's 18th birthday is coming up as well... no gift. Aren't I just horrible? I wish I could get SOMETHING for all of them. But unfortunatly, you have to be 6 or under to get way with handmade gifts.

Can you tell this isn't a happy post?

single for a few hours.

2007-11-29T18:20:00.000-05:00

Sometime's we make each other happy. ^_^

But the other day we were both ready to call it quits. I sped off in my little neon wondering where the hell am I gonna go and how am I gonna get my stuff outta that stupid apartment?! Then after about an hour or so I came home parked my car as close to the apt as I could (being that all the good spots were taken) then went inside and fell asleep on the couch. I guess NL didn't notice me on the couch while in his early morning rush to get to work and I suppose he didnt see my car either because at about 10am he called and left me a voicemail apologizing (i could be wrong but he sounded like he was crying) and he asked me to come home and try to work things out because he couldn't stand the thought of losing me.

The funny part of all this was that I had no idea what was going on while I slept peacefully and when I did wake up and listened to my voicemail, I realized something I never would have otherwise. NL really cared. You see I was always the one running back and begging for a second chance. I had never had the ability to try to let him do it. For once I had the upperhand. And it made me feel special.

I didn't call him. I waited for him to get home and he did all the talking. When he was done I told him I was sorry too and that I loved him. We worked it out. I never told him I had been home the whole time.

nightmares?

2007-11-26T18:05:00.000-05:00

So two nights ago, I had a dream that my bf NL was in love with my sister JA.

oooook....

I figure this could be brought on by the fact that I am very jealous of my popular, cute, thin, single sister.

Then last night I dreamt that NL left me to live the single guy life.

Why is my mind tormenting me in these ways????

my thanksgiving was...

2007-11-26T17:16:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving was ok. In the morning I went to my best friend KW's house to have breakfast with her parents. KW was in Miami still and didn't come to town until about 3pm. After I chatted with her parents for a while I went to my sister SF's house to begin cooking. Together we made one whole turkey, two turkey breasts, green bean casserole, squash casserole, candied yams, collard greens, mashed potatoes, stuffing, rolls and gravy. For dessert I made pecan pie, peanut butter pie, cheescake brownies, and we bought apple and pumpkin pies. Yummy Yummyness. It was nice to sit around with family for a while but I was home by about 6pm becasue I can't be there toooo long. ^_^ I like being sane, thank you very much! I never did get to see KW while she was in town though which was a bummer. So that was my T-day.

ms. clean

2007-11-19T20:02:00.000-05:00

Wow. I have been cleaning ALL DAY! And I am FINALLY seeing some RESULTS! ^_^ I have been seperating my clothes into what needs to be washed and put away and what needs to be donated to Goodwill. I am very happy at my new found willingness to part with the "goal" clothes. These being the clothese that I plan to fit into again. I figure if I lose the weight.. i will just treat myself to new clothes. So out go a mess of clothing that has been piling up and in the way for so long. I also cleaned the heck outta my kitchen. We're talking so clean i can eat off of the floor. I scrubbed the baseboards and grout in the tile. Now I am just finding a place for everything. Anything that I haven't seen in like 3 months and forgot about is getting tossed due to lack of neccesity. I guess I should get back to it all so I can finish before bed tonite. Oh yeah and if anyone needs some pens I think we have 200-300 to spare. Let me know ^_~

2007-11-18T19:54:00.000-05:00

I love colorguard! <3

friends? ha

2007-11-18T17:24:00.000-05:00

I am getting fed up with a few certain "friends". I am sick of the fake, "hi how ya doin"'s and forced kindness. Because we both know you don't care what's really going on with my life and no your not going to get back to me if I "just shoot you an email" because you "have to go." Let's just both say what we both know deep down inside. This friendship is dead and will be best left alone and burried. So fuck you. Ugh.

WHY DO I STILL CARE?!?!?! :'(

always tired

2007-11-15T11:38:00.000-05:00

I seriously need a normal job. This QVC thing is just so tiring. It isn't the work really.. but the hours I am working. 6:30pm - 3:00am is just too akward. Between that job and my high school job I am not getting much sleep. I have been awake for the past 14 hours and will not have a chance to sleep for another 15 more!!! OMG am I going insane!!!! And I'm STILL not getting all the bills paid!!!! -_- I am also angry that I have been working at the HS for 3 months now and still haven't seen any compensation. Mr. M keeps saying "Next week. They take forever to cut checks around here" Well if that's so, why has the new dance teacher gotten paid already? She has only been here, like, 4 weeks!!!! GGGGGRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Do you know what it is that I really want to do? I just want to go back to school. I want to be a college student. I want to gain an education so I can get myself out of the mess I am in (and will stay in if I don't DO something about it.) I think it's time I put myse;f first, stop worrying about everything and everyone else and just DO IT! The only thing stopping me is this lease with NL-I don't wan't to leave him with the full burden of renting our apartment. It's not fair to him. I guess there are scholarships I could apply for for housing that could help cover my half in rent, right? I guess I better start looking if I really want this.

2007-11-06T06:15:00.000-05:00

I feel AMAZING! I just spent about and hour at the gym in my apt. complex. It was great. I feel so good that I actually got through the hour without quitting! Go me! I was on the treadmill for a straight 25 minutes. I did as many pushups and situps that I could (will not saw exactly how many... it's a small number but it worked for me:) I used the leg station thinger and arm thinger (don't you love my equipment savvy?) And I walked home. I did a load of laundrey, took a shower, brushed and flossed my teeth and now I am posting. It's amazing how just getting out and doing some excercise can change your mood and outlook so much. I am ready to begin my dieting. Ooooh, just in time for T-day. oops. Well hey this way I will be a lil more ready for all that turkey and stuffing and mashed taters and squash casserole. ^_^

Turkey Plans

2007-11-05T15:31:00.000-05:00

With Thanksgiving steadily approaching, I did the unthinkable. I offered to play Hostess. "What were you thinking, Cammy?"
I was thinking:
1. Dad usually does the Thanksgiving Dinner (TD)... He now lives in a bus. I am not eating TD in a bus!
2. NL's family is not having a dinner because of issues involving $15,000, a cheerleading competition and a 38+ year old momma's boy. Let's just not go here....
3. Originally I had planned to Co-host with my Older sis SD and we would use her new (big) home (and kitchen.) She is now going to NC to be with he husband's family.
4. Therefore, I stepped up and decided to host TD at NL's and my one bedroom apartment.

Well... If I want turkey, this seems to be the only way! And I actually have to work on Thanksgiving 6:30pm-3am. -_-

i like to play with my food

2007-10-30T05:00:00.001-04:00

meet pierre

Late Night Baking

2007-10-30T04:42:00.001-04:00

So I believe that the best way to enjoy Banana Bread is to have it warm and right out of the oven. So when I got home tonite (2am) I began baking some BB from scratch. (You should smell my apt-It's so yummy for my nose!) I wanted to surprise NL with it for breakfast. But after I made it I thought, why not add some cream cheese icing and give it to my dad as a belated birthday cake/bread since I wasn't able to see him on his bday. So I iced the cake/bread. Now I really wish I hadn't because I want a slice of the plain banana bread. And I want Nick to have some before he goes to work. So I think I will take a picture of it in it's wholeness, cut a piece for NL and myself and take my dad the remainder and the photo. ^_^

10 reasons

2007-10-29T04:18:00.000-04:00

Here are my top ten reasons of the moment to be happy...

1. I am alive. (this is always a good one)

2. I have a job teaching something I love.

3. I have a caring and understanding boyfriend.

4. I have an awesome best friend. (even though she does live in Miami now)

5. My neighbors bring me cookies. (that taste good!)

6. I have a roof over my head and a comfy bed to sleep in.

7. I have a cute black cat named Betty who loves to snuggle.

8. The marching band I work with was rated excellent at the FBA competition yesterday.

9. I have a pumpkin to carve ^_^

10. I work at a job where someone says have a "good morning/evening" to me about 50 times an hour.

at this moment I am wondering...

2007-10-26T16:47:00.000-04:00

should I have a salad or go for the dale's BBQ sandwich? Well there's never a better time to start dieting than now, right? I guess I'll have the salad.

Begin again.

2007-10-25T15:24:00.000-04:00

And with this post I begin another blog. I figured it was time to start one again. The last real blog I kept was on livejournal when I was 16-17. Well I guess thats the only time I regularly posted. I have a myspace but I never thought of that as a blog. So I made this one to keep my thoughts organized. For this first post I suppose I shall describe myself and my current state. I am 20 years old and I live with my boyfriend who I will call NL. He is 21 and we have been together for about 3 years now. I work full-time for QVC in a call center where I take orders from mostly old ladies who have nothing better to spend their money on than our "Today's Special Value." And I also work part time at a local high school where I choreograph the flag routines for the marching band's colorguard. That job is fun... when things are going as planned. It's when my girls don't remember routine and we get down to 2 days before competition and it all looks like doodie that I get stressed. Oh look... competition is on Saturday. Awesome. -_- My parents live in a bus that has been converted into an RV. They have it parked on my deceased grandfather's property. Why? Because when the a/c in the actual house broke, they decided it would be easier to move into The Bus. My little sister is 17 and still lives with them...barely. Lately she has been staying with her 21 year old boyfriend who has a 2 year old kid. How promising. My older brother is in jail. I don't know how old he is. I don't really know him at all. I do know that he is older than my other sister who is 32. She is married and has 3 children. That would be my immediate family.

I realize this post would be torn apart by an english teacher but I am too lazy today. I really don't feel like fixing any paragraphing or grammar issues. Plus, NL and his buddy JP have decided that they want to annoy me. So I'm done for today.