single for a few hours.

Sometime's we make each other happy. ^_^

But the other day we were both ready to call it quits. I sped off in my little neon wondering where the hell am I gonna go and how am I gonna get my stuff outta that stupid apartment?! Then after about an hour or so I came home parked my car as close to the apt as I could (being that all the good spots were taken) then went inside and fell asleep on the couch. I guess NL didn't notice me on the couch while in his early morning rush to get to work and I suppose he didnt see my car either because at about 10am he called and left me a voicemail apologizing (i could be wrong but he sounded like he was crying) and he asked me to come home and try to work things out because he couldn't stand the thought of losing me.

The funny part of all this was that I had no idea what was going on while I slept peacefully and when I did wake up and listened to my voicemail, I realized something I never would have otherwise. NL really cared. You see I was always the one running back and begging for a second chance. I had never had the ability to try to let him do it. For once I had the upperhand. And it made me feel special.

I didn't call him. I waited for him to get home and he did all the talking. When he was done I told him I was sorry too and that I loved him. We worked it out. I never told him I had been home the whole time.

nightmares?

So two nights ago, I had a dream that my bf NL was in love with my sister JA.

oooook....

I figure this could be brought on by the fact that I am very jealous of my popular, cute, thin, single sister.

Then last night I dreamt that NL left me to live the single guy life.

Why is my mind tormenting me in these ways????

my thanksgiving was...

Thanksgiving was ok. In the morning I went to my best friend KW's house to have breakfast with her parents. KW was in Miami still and didn't come to town until about 3pm. After I chatted with her parents for a while I went to my sister SF's house to begin cooking. Together we made one whole turkey, two turkey breasts, green bean casserole, squash casserole, candied yams, collard greens, mashed potatoes, stuffing, rolls and gravy. For dessert I made pecan pie, peanut butter pie, cheescake brownies, and we bought apple and pumpkin pies. Yummy Yummyness. It was nice to sit around with family for a while but I was home by about 6pm becasue I can't be there toooo long. ^_^ I like being sane, thank you very much! I never did get to see KW while she was in town though which was a bummer. So that was my T-day.

ms. clean

Wow. I have been cleaning ALL DAY! And I am FINALLY seeing some RESULTS! ^_^ I have been seperating my clothes into what needs to be washed and put away and what needs to be donated to Goodwill. I am very happy at my new found willingness to part with the "goal" clothes. These being the clothese that I plan to fit into again. I figure if I lose the weight.. i will just treat myself to new clothes. So out go a mess of clothing that has been piling up and in the way for so long. I also cleaned the heck outta my kitchen. We're talking so clean i can eat off of the floor. I scrubbed the baseboards and grout in the tile. Now I am just finding a place for everything. Anything that I haven't seen in like 3 months and forgot about is getting tossed due to lack of neccesity. I guess I should get back to it all so I can finish before bed tonite. Oh yeah and if anyone needs some pens I think we have 200-300 to spare. Let me know ^_~

I love colorguard! <3

friends? ha

I am getting fed up with a few certain "friends". I am sick of the fake, "hi how ya doin"'s and forced kindness. Because we both know you don't care what's really going on with my life and no your not going to get back to me if I "just shoot you an email" because you "have to go." Let's just both say what we both know deep down inside. This friendship is dead and will be best left alone and burried. So fuck you. Ugh.



WHY DO I STILL CARE?!?!?! :'(

always tired

I seriously need a normal job. This QVC thing is just so tiring. It isn't the work really.. but the hours I am working. 6:30pm - 3:00am is just too akward. Between that job and my high school job I am not getting much sleep. I have been awake for the past 14 hours and will not have a chance to sleep for another 15 more!!! OMG am I going insane!!!! And I'm STILL not getting all the bills paid!!!! -_- I am also angry that I have been working at the HS for 3 months now and still haven't seen any compensation. Mr. M keeps saying "Next week. They take forever to cut checks around here" Well if that's so, why has the new dance teacher gotten paid already? She has only been here, like, 4 weeks!!!! GGGGGRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Do you know what it is that I really want to do? I just want to go back to school. I want to be a college student. I want to gain an education so I can get myself out of the mess I am in (and will stay in if I don't DO something about it.) I think it's time I put myse;f first, stop worrying about everything and everyone else and just DO IT! The only thing stopping me is this lease with NL-I don't wan't to leave him with the full burden of renting our apartment. It's not fair to him. I guess there are scholarships I could apply for for housing that could help cover my half in rent, right? I guess I better start looking if I really want this.

I feel AMAZING! I just spent about and hour at the gym in my apt. complex. It was great. I feel so good that I actually got through the hour without quitting! Go me! I was on the treadmill for a straight 25 minutes. I did as many pushups and situps that I could (will not saw exactly how many... it's a small number but it worked for me:) I used the leg station thinger and arm thinger (don't you love my equipment savvy?) And I walked home. I did a load of laundrey, took a shower, brushed and flossed my teeth and now I am posting. It's amazing how just getting out and doing some excercise can change your mood and outlook so much. I am ready to begin my dieting. Ooooh, just in time for T-day. oops. Well hey this way I will be a lil more ready for all that turkey and stuffing and mashed taters and squash casserole. ^_^

Turkey Plans

With Thanksgiving steadily approaching, I did the unthinkable. I offered to play Hostess. "What were you thinking, Cammy?"
I was thinking:
1. Dad usually does the Thanksgiving Dinner (TD)... He now lives in a bus. I am not eating TD in a bus!
2. NL's family is not having a dinner because of issues involving $15,000, a cheerleading competition and a 38+ year old momma's boy. Let's just not go here....
3. Originally I had planned to Co-host with my Older sis SD and we would use her new (big) home (and kitchen.) She is now going to NC to be with he husband's family.
4. Therefore, I stepped up and decided to host TD at NL's and my one bedroom apartment.

Well... If I want turkey, this seems to be the only way! And I actually have to work on Thanksgiving 6:30pm-3am. -_-