where's cammy?

I haven't written in a while. It's not that I am too busy to or anything. It is most likely because I don't have anything to complain about anymore! This town really has affected my mood for the better!

Recently I have found that I am very interested in RPG games and a friend has gotten me addicted to one called Tales of the Abyss. Apparently this is one of many "Tales" games. I never thought I would be the type to start playing video games obsessively. I mean sure, PackRat and Scrabulous can keep my attention for hours on Facebook, but those aren't the same. Being as ignorant as I am to the gaming world, I have no idea what I am doing just yet. I don't know the terms or anything and I still feel kinda like an outsider entering this whole new world when I go over the guys house where we all get together and play. But I just follow the story line and kick some monster butt when I have to. I guess that's the point though, huh? But the story and the detailed character costumes are what keeps my attention I think. Oh and I love the Wii games! Haha. I get really into the tennis one. And the bowling. Thank god I personally don't have any game consoles or else I wouldn't leave the house!

I'm also still getting the hang of driving around up here in Philly. Now that I'm more familiar with the streets and the stoplights being on the right hand side like a stop sign, I can maneuver around much better in a minivan (which is not so "mini" compared to my neon which I am used to!).

Oh, Pann. I never knew you loved tofu so much. :) And yes, you can haz computer pillow.

tag! i'm it!

Pann tagged me!

The Rules:

# Link to the person who tagged you
# Post the rules on your blog.
# Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
# Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. (Im not doing this because I only read about 3 blogs total.... if you read mine and want to play.. ill leave that up to you. )
# Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged. (lets not and say i did :) im such a spoil sport. lol)

Here are my random factoids.

1. At age 20, I still suck my thumb. It's the most embarrassing thing I can share. At night, I will start off with my hand under my pillow or body... yet somehow it always finds its way into my mouth before morning. And it's always my left thumb.

2. I like making ATC's, also called Artist Trading Cards. And then I trade them with people all over the world. I learned about them when I first lived in Philly at an event during the Philadelphia Fringe Festival. That was about 4 years ago and I have been creating and trading ever since.

3. I love watching colorguard/winterguard videos on youtube. Here's one of my Favorites

4. I was really young when I first saw the movie Jurassic Park and it scared me so bad i ran out of the house. I think it was the first scary movie I ever watched. To this day I still occasionally have nightmares about T-Rex's stomping down my house and crushing my dad's old blue GMC Jimmy.

5. I was a girl scout for 11 years. It was so much fun! I would love to volunteer my time and be a leader someday!

6. The first time I actually thought about how wide the world is and realized that my family isn't the only thing I will ever know was when i was about 4. I was jumping on my bed wearing a blue dress with white polka dots. I remember it very clearly.

7. This one is the hardest to share. I only believe in God so I can be mad at him for what happened to my mom. When I was 14 she would have bad headaches and her Dr. discovered she had a brain aneurysm. She was operated on but the dr made a careless mistake causing stress on her brain which resulted in sezures and she went into a coma for a few days. She was also sexually harrassed during her stay by a janitor at the hospital and she coudn't defend herself due to results of the surgery. She went into the hospital as what I think of as my mom. She came out paralyzed on the left side of her body and unable to care for herself, let alone her 14 and 12 year old daughters. Her memory was affected a little and her personality changed alot. I can;t be around her for long periods of time because it hurts so much and I can't do anything to have her back the way she was. I know I should be grateful she is alive but it's not the same. I'm very ashamed of how I see this but I don't know how to change the way I see her. I miss my mommy. I know it isn't her fault. 

i made it to philly!

Wow, it has been a while since that last post. No I didn't die in a horrific plane crash! However I was in air an extra hour or so due to an ice storm in Philly. Joy.

Holy cow, where has the time gone? I seriously love it here. I get to live with awesome cousins who have awesome children (not just saying that because I know you read this pann! ^_~) And everything is just... AWESOME! LoL. I need a thesaurus.

So far I have spent my time adjusting to the move. I can't say it has been hard because Pann and her family have been so wonderful! They redecorated a room for me and I LOVE it. It is so bright and colorful. I am so thankful that they have welcomed me with such open arms.

I am also trying to adjust to the cold.
*What is this feeling? Where is the warmth of the sun? Where are my Palm Trees?!*

And the days are going by so fast now that I have something to do and people to interact with.

So thats where I have been. But I promise I will be back soon.

first step

I have made my first step on my journey to Philly. Yesterday I said my goodbyes to family and friends in PSL,FL. NL and I picked K up from her parents and set off for the West Palm Beach train Station. I will be staying with K today and she will drive me to the Miami airport tomorrow. I am kind of sad at how I left NL. He was handing me my luggage and then the train conductor announced "Step clear of the doors". I leaned out and kissed him quickly, said, "I love you" and, "Goodbye." I really wish it hadn't have been so rushed! I am going to miss him ALOT! I love him and I know he understands that I have to do this for me. I just wish I could have held onto him for a few moments longer.

i can't really sleep...

...so I'm watching Jeff Dunham Clips. This guy is a ventriloquist with many personalities... so far this is my favorite...

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

woohoo

I just got rid of all 3 of my prom dresses on freecycle, too!

Bye, bye chains of bondage! I shall rid thineself of clutter!

freecycle

Ever since Pann mentioned it in one of her blogs, I have been poking around on my county's freecycle. This is a site where you can offer up items you want to be rid of but dont want to doom to an eternal life in a landfill. I haven't had any need for items I have seen posted yet, but today I did complete my first successful cycle!
I have been packing to move to Philadelphia, as you all know, and I have a few things I know I can't bring with me. So I posted them. And about 30 minutes ago someone picked up 5 pairs of shoes that had alot of use left in them (a few I haven't even WORN before.... what? they were on sale!) I know I never would have thrown the shoes away but it is nice to know that someone else will be appreciating them now. One pair were my prom shoes from 2 years ago! Another I bought from Avon only to find I hated them. Yay... less stuff!

Now back to packing... >_<

return to philly, cont.

Now, back to that post I started...

When I was 16, I moved to Philly to stay with my Aunt D and Uncle L. My life changed. First of all, these people were the first adults who said I could call them by their first names and drop the formal Aunt/Uncle. Wowza! (I know, I was sheltered) I was also introduced to independence, equality, performing arts, and Philly Cheesesteak Sandwiches (Yum!). In turn, I became a whole new person. I developed a personality and confidence, where before I was a follower and adapter. I learned that I was someone worth knowing. I was the happiest I could ever be.

But then I came back to Florida. Ok, yeah, Florida is great! For vacations. And retired people. For young adults who need to have fun and learn and broaden their horizons, not so much. Almost every girl I know in this area (that is around my age) falls under one of 3 categories.

1. Married or engaged to a Marine/Naval Officer/etc
2. Pregnant
3. In a Nursing Program

I, however have no desire to be married, pregnant or a nurse.

So... when the opportunity arose to move back to Philly, I JUMPED,
LEAPT,
BOUNDED,
POUNCED!

Philadelphia has soooo much more than my little hometown. It is such a diverse and freethinking city. It is someplace I can see myself living forever... and be happy about it! I really cannot wait to return.

And this golden opportunity has been given to me by no other than the magnificient Pann. My delightful ly demiurgic (just learned that word... forgive me if misused!) cousin-in-law. She has offered me a room in her home and I in return shall take care of her youngest daughter while she begins a new job. I feel so priveleged to be apart of this family- I really adore them all!

packing...

Wow. I have to get packing! I haven't even started! I have no idea where to begin.. I dont even have a suitcase!

return to philly

First let me say...


Yipeeeeeee!!!!!!! WooHoooooo!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!! HooRaaaaaayyy!!!

Ok, now that that's out, I am soooo excited to be returning the place that brought the real me out.

I just realized this post is meant to be a long one so I am going to have to return later to finish it! LoL.

to be continued...

relationship issues.

Ah the time has come. I am questioning my relationship. Why you may ask? Well for 2 reasons.

1. I am 20 years old. I can't even drink legally. I have been with my dear NL for 3 year this coming thursday. N is 22. We both haven't really ever gone out and experienced a real adult single life. So when we see our friends out and having fun we want that too. It doesn't seem to work when we go out together with a group of people. N has his kind of people and I, well I have no people. I have KW but she is usually in Miami and when she is in town she has her budding relationship with a guy here (which I am in full support of)

2. N and I are slowly moving apart. He has been a provider in our relationship. I have been a burden. I was very childish and have come to realize my mistakes and I am working on them now. However this does not change the fact that the past year's finances have weighed heavily on N's shoulders. He loves me and I love him but it is just to tense for us right now. With our lease ending next month I think it may be a good idea for us to go our seperate ways for a bit and start over. Not necessarily break up but live seperately. Have space. I know I am not ready to move into a house with him. I still have dreams of returning to Philadelphia and my favorite family members!

I know what I need to do if I want to be happy but it is so damn HARD! 3 years of being one way is going to be so hard to change. What have I to lose? I know N will be here for me if I need him, there is no doubt in his devoution.

But then there is a 3rd thing. N and I are so different. He goes out almost every night to talk about and look at cars. I won't go with him because car talk bores me. I prefer plays and art shows. N hasn't been to a single one with me. I love to read and stretch my mind. N loves cars. I think what I am trying to say is N bores me. But he is so loving and cuddly. I don;t think I could ever find someone who cares about me as much as he does. But I think I need more.

Am I being selfish?

new year, new life?

It definatly seems so. In some ways good and in others... not so much.

Good
I have returned to the chilrdcare field- yay! I missed working with little kids! I know this is what I was meant to do! Now, hopefully, I can get my butt in gear and get back to school too!

I started writing again. I haven't really done this since I was about 16 and in Philly... well technically Iquit writing after I came back to FL FROM Philly. Not alot of people know I like to write because I am too self conscious about it. Im afraid of criticism basically. But I think after I take a few more english and writing classes I will regain confidence.

Bad
I haven't heard from my best friend KW since December. I called on New Years and ended up leaving a message. Thats all I have gotten since then is her voicemail. I was worried she was hurt or something but I called her sister to find that she isn't. She has been in regular contact with her mother so she is ok. I'm hoping she is just really busy with school because otherwise, there really is no excuse for this lack of communication. It must be school and work.... right?

My sister has had her hands full with her children. Last month the oldest R (16) broke his foot playing soccer. He had to leave his job at Publix and was out of school for a good while. Two days ago, her younger son S (10) broke his wrist (playing soccer as well) He had to have surgery to realign all of the bones. I told her she needs to watch out for her youngest child, her daughter A (6). At least she isn't in soccer this year!

Well I have limited time on the net tonite so I am gonna have to be going.. Hope to be back soooon!