Ah the time has come. I am questioning my relationship. Why you may ask? Well for 2 reasons.
1. I am 20 years old. I can't even drink legally. I have been with my dear NL for 3 year this coming thursday. N is 22. We both haven't really ever gone out and experienced a real adult single life. So when we see our friends out and having fun we want that too. It doesn't seem to work when we go out together with a group of people. N has his kind of people and I, well I have no people. I have KW but she is usually in Miami and when she is in town she has her budding relationship with a guy here (which I am in full support of)
2. N and I are slowly moving apart. He has been a provider in our relationship. I have been a burden. I was very childish and have come to realize my mistakes and I am working on them now. However this does not change the fact that the past year's finances have weighed heavily on N's shoulders. He loves me and I love him but it is just to tense for us right now. With our lease ending next month I think it may be a good idea for us to go our seperate ways for a bit and start over. Not necessarily break up but live seperately. Have space. I know I am not ready to move into a house with him. I still have dreams of returning to Philadelphia and my favorite family members!
I know what I need to do if I want to be happy but it is so damn HARD! 3 years of being one way is going to be so hard to change. What have I to lose? I know N will be here for me if I need him, there is no doubt in his devoution.
But then there is a 3rd thing. N and I are so different. He goes out almost every night to talk about and look at cars. I won't go with him because car talk bores me. I prefer plays and art shows. N hasn't been to a single one with me. I love to read and stretch my mind. N loves cars. I think what I am trying to say is N bores me. But he is so loving and cuddly. I don;t think I could ever find someone who cares about me as much as he does. But I think I need more.
Am I being selfish?
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3 comments:
I think it is a huge step to realize an not DENY the boredom factor. It's a bad sign if neither of you will make sacrifices to make each other a little happier. I'm not saying that you guys don't, but I am not there, so I don't know. I know you try to go to the shows with nick, so does he reciprocate and go place that you'd like, too? That was a big problem, haha, with Matt and I, so I think it is very wise of you to consider it.
1) If I sent you a plane ticket to come up and stay at my house for a few months, would you do it?
2) There are SO MANY FISH IN THE SEA and you *are* a fine catch. There are many many many guys who will cuddle and love you.
3) When someone is *that* boring, you DO NOT stay with them forever.
I think it really is time for you to move on.
Think it over... think, think, think....
OH, and NO you are NOT being SELFISH.
You deserve better, you really, really really do.
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