First let me say...
Yipeeeeeee!!!!!!! WooHoooooo!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!! HooRaaaaaayyy!!!
Ok, now that that's out, I am soooo excited to be returning the place that brought the real me out.
I just realized this post is meant to be a long one so I am going to have to return later to finish it! LoL.
to be continued...
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
relationship issues.
Ah the time has come. I am questioning my relationship. Why you may ask? Well for 2 reasons.
1. I am 20 years old. I can't even drink legally. I have been with my dear NL for 3 year this coming thursday. N is 22. We both haven't really ever gone out and experienced a real adult single life. So when we see our friends out and having fun we want that too. It doesn't seem to work when we go out together with a group of people. N has his kind of people and I, well I have no people. I have KW but she is usually in Miami and when she is in town she has her budding relationship with a guy here (which I am in full support of)
2. N and I are slowly moving apart. He has been a provider in our relationship. I have been a burden. I was very childish and have come to realize my mistakes and I am working on them now. However this does not change the fact that the past year's finances have weighed heavily on N's shoulders. He loves me and I love him but it is just to tense for us right now. With our lease ending next month I think it may be a good idea for us to go our seperate ways for a bit and start over. Not necessarily break up but live seperately. Have space. I know I am not ready to move into a house with him. I still have dreams of returning to Philadelphia and my favorite family members!
I know what I need to do if I want to be happy but it is so damn HARD! 3 years of being one way is going to be so hard to change. What have I to lose? I know N will be here for me if I need him, there is no doubt in his devoution.
But then there is a 3rd thing. N and I are so different. He goes out almost every night to talk about and look at cars. I won't go with him because car talk bores me. I prefer plays and art shows. N hasn't been to a single one with me. I love to read and stretch my mind. N loves cars. I think what I am trying to say is N bores me. But he is so loving and cuddly. I don;t think I could ever find someone who cares about me as much as he does. But I think I need more.
Am I being selfish?
1. I am 20 years old. I can't even drink legally. I have been with my dear NL for 3 year this coming thursday. N is 22. We both haven't really ever gone out and experienced a real adult single life. So when we see our friends out and having fun we want that too. It doesn't seem to work when we go out together with a group of people. N has his kind of people and I, well I have no people. I have KW but she is usually in Miami and when she is in town she has her budding relationship with a guy here (which I am in full support of)
2. N and I are slowly moving apart. He has been a provider in our relationship. I have been a burden. I was very childish and have come to realize my mistakes and I am working on them now. However this does not change the fact that the past year's finances have weighed heavily on N's shoulders. He loves me and I love him but it is just to tense for us right now. With our lease ending next month I think it may be a good idea for us to go our seperate ways for a bit and start over. Not necessarily break up but live seperately. Have space. I know I am not ready to move into a house with him. I still have dreams of returning to Philadelphia and my favorite family members!
I know what I need to do if I want to be happy but it is so damn HARD! 3 years of being one way is going to be so hard to change. What have I to lose? I know N will be here for me if I need him, there is no doubt in his devoution.
But then there is a 3rd thing. N and I are so different. He goes out almost every night to talk about and look at cars. I won't go with him because car talk bores me. I prefer plays and art shows. N hasn't been to a single one with me. I love to read and stretch my mind. N loves cars. I think what I am trying to say is N bores me. But he is so loving and cuddly. I don;t think I could ever find someone who cares about me as much as he does. But I think I need more.
Am I being selfish?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
new year, new life?
It definatly seems so. In some ways good and in others... not so much.
Good
I have returned to the chilrdcare field- yay! I missed working with little kids! I know this is what I was meant to do! Now, hopefully, I can get my butt in gear and get back to school too!
I started writing again. I haven't really done this since I was about 16 and in Philly... well technically Iquit writing after I came back to FL FROM Philly. Not alot of people know I like to write because I am too self conscious about it. Im afraid of criticism basically. But I think after I take a few more english and writing classes I will regain confidence.
Bad
I haven't heard from my best friend KW since December. I called on New Years and ended up leaving a message. Thats all I have gotten since then is her voicemail. I was worried she was hurt or something but I called her sister to find that she isn't. She has been in regular contact with her mother so she is ok. I'm hoping she is just really busy with school because otherwise, there really is no excuse for this lack of communication. It must be school and work.... right?
My sister has had her hands full with her children. Last month the oldest R (16) broke his foot playing soccer. He had to leave his job at Publix and was out of school for a good while. Two days ago, her younger son S (10) broke his wrist (playing soccer as well) He had to have surgery to realign all of the bones. I told her she needs to watch out for her youngest child, her daughter A (6). At least she isn't in soccer this year!
Well I have limited time on the net tonite so I am gonna have to be going.. Hope to be back soooon!
Good
I have returned to the chilrdcare field- yay! I missed working with little kids! I know this is what I was meant to do! Now, hopefully, I can get my butt in gear and get back to school too!
I started writing again. I haven't really done this since I was about 16 and in Philly... well technically Iquit writing after I came back to FL FROM Philly. Not alot of people know I like to write because I am too self conscious about it. Im afraid of criticism basically. But I think after I take a few more english and writing classes I will regain confidence.
Bad
I haven't heard from my best friend KW since December. I called on New Years and ended up leaving a message. Thats all I have gotten since then is her voicemail. I was worried she was hurt or something but I called her sister to find that she isn't. She has been in regular contact with her mother so she is ok. I'm hoping she is just really busy with school because otherwise, there really is no excuse for this lack of communication. It must be school and work.... right?
My sister has had her hands full with her children. Last month the oldest R (16) broke his foot playing soccer. He had to leave his job at Publix and was out of school for a good while. Two days ago, her younger son S (10) broke his wrist (playing soccer as well) He had to have surgery to realign all of the bones. I told her she needs to watch out for her youngest child, her daughter A (6). At least she isn't in soccer this year!
Well I have limited time on the net tonite so I am gonna have to be going.. Hope to be back soooon!
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