Friday, February 01, 2008
packing...
Wow. I have to get packing! I haven't even started! I have no idea where to begin.. I dont even have a suitcase!
Saturday, January 26, 2008
return to philly
First let me say...
Yipeeeeeee!!!!!!! WooHoooooo!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!! HooRaaaaaayyy!!!
Ok, now that that's out, I am soooo excited to be returning the place that brought the real me out.
I just realized this post is meant to be a long one so I am going to have to return later to finish it! LoL.
to be continued...
Yipeeeeeee!!!!!!! WooHoooooo!!!! Yayyyyyyy!!!!!! HooRaaaaaayyy!!!
Ok, now that that's out, I am soooo excited to be returning the place that brought the real me out.
I just realized this post is meant to be a long one so I am going to have to return later to finish it! LoL.
to be continued...
Thursday, January 17, 2008
relationship issues.
Ah the time has come. I am questioning my relationship. Why you may ask? Well for 2 reasons.
1. I am 20 years old. I can't even drink legally. I have been with my dear NL for 3 year this coming thursday. N is 22. We both haven't really ever gone out and experienced a real adult single life. So when we see our friends out and having fun we want that too. It doesn't seem to work when we go out together with a group of people. N has his kind of people and I, well I have no people. I have KW but she is usually in Miami and when she is in town she has her budding relationship with a guy here (which I am in full support of)
2. N and I are slowly moving apart. He has been a provider in our relationship. I have been a burden. I was very childish and have come to realize my mistakes and I am working on them now. However this does not change the fact that the past year's finances have weighed heavily on N's shoulders. He loves me and I love him but it is just to tense for us right now. With our lease ending next month I think it may be a good idea for us to go our seperate ways for a bit and start over. Not necessarily break up but live seperately. Have space. I know I am not ready to move into a house with him. I still have dreams of returning to Philadelphia and my favorite family members!
I know what I need to do if I want to be happy but it is so damn HARD! 3 years of being one way is going to be so hard to change. What have I to lose? I know N will be here for me if I need him, there is no doubt in his devoution.
But then there is a 3rd thing. N and I are so different. He goes out almost every night to talk about and look at cars. I won't go with him because car talk bores me. I prefer plays and art shows. N hasn't been to a single one with me. I love to read and stretch my mind. N loves cars. I think what I am trying to say is N bores me. But he is so loving and cuddly. I don;t think I could ever find someone who cares about me as much as he does. But I think I need more.
Am I being selfish?
1. I am 20 years old. I can't even drink legally. I have been with my dear NL for 3 year this coming thursday. N is 22. We both haven't really ever gone out and experienced a real adult single life. So when we see our friends out and having fun we want that too. It doesn't seem to work when we go out together with a group of people. N has his kind of people and I, well I have no people. I have KW but she is usually in Miami and when she is in town she has her budding relationship with a guy here (which I am in full support of)
2. N and I are slowly moving apart. He has been a provider in our relationship. I have been a burden. I was very childish and have come to realize my mistakes and I am working on them now. However this does not change the fact that the past year's finances have weighed heavily on N's shoulders. He loves me and I love him but it is just to tense for us right now. With our lease ending next month I think it may be a good idea for us to go our seperate ways for a bit and start over. Not necessarily break up but live seperately. Have space. I know I am not ready to move into a house with him. I still have dreams of returning to Philadelphia and my favorite family members!
I know what I need to do if I want to be happy but it is so damn HARD! 3 years of being one way is going to be so hard to change. What have I to lose? I know N will be here for me if I need him, there is no doubt in his devoution.
But then there is a 3rd thing. N and I are so different. He goes out almost every night to talk about and look at cars. I won't go with him because car talk bores me. I prefer plays and art shows. N hasn't been to a single one with me. I love to read and stretch my mind. N loves cars. I think what I am trying to say is N bores me. But he is so loving and cuddly. I don;t think I could ever find someone who cares about me as much as he does. But I think I need more.
Am I being selfish?
Saturday, January 12, 2008
new year, new life?
It definatly seems so. In some ways good and in others... not so much.
Good
I have returned to the chilrdcare field- yay! I missed working with little kids! I know this is what I was meant to do! Now, hopefully, I can get my butt in gear and get back to school too!
I started writing again. I haven't really done this since I was about 16 and in Philly... well technically Iquit writing after I came back to FL FROM Philly. Not alot of people know I like to write because I am too self conscious about it. Im afraid of criticism basically. But I think after I take a few more english and writing classes I will regain confidence.
Bad
I haven't heard from my best friend KW since December. I called on New Years and ended up leaving a message. Thats all I have gotten since then is her voicemail. I was worried she was hurt or something but I called her sister to find that she isn't. She has been in regular contact with her mother so she is ok. I'm hoping she is just really busy with school because otherwise, there really is no excuse for this lack of communication. It must be school and work.... right?
My sister has had her hands full with her children. Last month the oldest R (16) broke his foot playing soccer. He had to leave his job at Publix and was out of school for a good while. Two days ago, her younger son S (10) broke his wrist (playing soccer as well) He had to have surgery to realign all of the bones. I told her she needs to watch out for her youngest child, her daughter A (6). At least she isn't in soccer this year!
Well I have limited time on the net tonite so I am gonna have to be going.. Hope to be back soooon!
Good
I have returned to the chilrdcare field- yay! I missed working with little kids! I know this is what I was meant to do! Now, hopefully, I can get my butt in gear and get back to school too!
I started writing again. I haven't really done this since I was about 16 and in Philly... well technically Iquit writing after I came back to FL FROM Philly. Not alot of people know I like to write because I am too self conscious about it. Im afraid of criticism basically. But I think after I take a few more english and writing classes I will regain confidence.
Bad
I haven't heard from my best friend KW since December. I called on New Years and ended up leaving a message. Thats all I have gotten since then is her voicemail. I was worried she was hurt or something but I called her sister to find that she isn't. She has been in regular contact with her mother so she is ok. I'm hoping she is just really busy with school because otherwise, there really is no excuse for this lack of communication. It must be school and work.... right?
My sister has had her hands full with her children. Last month the oldest R (16) broke his foot playing soccer. He had to leave his job at Publix and was out of school for a good while. Two days ago, her younger son S (10) broke his wrist (playing soccer as well) He had to have surgery to realign all of the bones. I told her she needs to watch out for her youngest child, her daughter A (6). At least she isn't in soccer this year!
Well I have limited time on the net tonite so I am gonna have to be going.. Hope to be back soooon!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
happy holidays!
I hope you all had a Merry Christmas! Heres a summary of my holiday...
Christmas Eve I made Squash Casserole and Snickerdoodle cookies and took them to my parents house. Dad made a Ham, fresh greenbeans with saltpork, fresh candied yams, and he also made cheescake and pecan pie. Mm Mm Mmmmm! Haha. NL came with me and when we left them we went to NL's friend JP's house. We ate dinner with them as well but there food was MUCH different. They had what NL says is a traditional Catholic Christmas dinner. We had stuffed squid, spaghetti w/marinara, shrimp scampi, and this seafood salad with shrimp calamari and OCTOPUS! (suckers and all!) Ok so I ate the shrimp and squid but... the octopus was where I drew the line. I tasted it and I didn't hate it but I couldn't get past those suction cups.... I'm getting a little squemish thinking about it now..LoL! So after that we went to NL's Cosuins house to visit some of his family and have dessert... again. We left at about 11:30 because some of the more religious family memebers were leaving for midnight mass.
Christmas Day we slept in. (Santa didnt come to our apartment this year lol) We went to NL's sisters house for breakfast and she gave us each a gift. Then we took NL's father lunch because he had to work. After that we were off to NL's brothers house to make lasagna. We hung out with some of NL's cousins and played some Texas Hold'em. We ended the night by going out and seeing Sweeny Tood The Demon Barber of Fleet Street with JP and NL's Cousin SW. I really enjoyed it, But JP didn't know what is was and when the first scene started he looks at us and says, "I just payed 8.50 to watch a musical? F*@%" He got over it though.
Today N and I looked at a house that he is going to make an offer on. Its a brand new 3/2/2 and has a nice size yard. It's a short sale and the Bank is asking 129,000. Another buyer made an offer so were going with 120,000 and hoping for the best. I love the kitchen and the master bedroom's closet. We are really excited about this house. It's in a wonderful neighborhood and located near I 95 and shopping centers and schools. I think it's a really good investment. N's parents are going to put in the up front cost (about 20,000) and N has been preapproved for a mortgage of 110,000 but should end up with one for less than 100,000.
So thats whats going on here. More to come, but for now... Im going to bed. Nighty night!
Christmas Eve I made Squash Casserole and Snickerdoodle cookies and took them to my parents house. Dad made a Ham, fresh greenbeans with saltpork, fresh candied yams, and he also made cheescake and pecan pie. Mm Mm Mmmmm! Haha. NL came with me and when we left them we went to NL's friend JP's house. We ate dinner with them as well but there food was MUCH different. They had what NL says is a traditional Catholic Christmas dinner. We had stuffed squid, spaghetti w/marinara, shrimp scampi, and this seafood salad with shrimp calamari and OCTOPUS! (suckers and all!) Ok so I ate the shrimp and squid but... the octopus was where I drew the line. I tasted it and I didn't hate it but I couldn't get past those suction cups.... I'm getting a little squemish thinking about it now..LoL! So after that we went to NL's Cosuins house to visit some of his family and have dessert... again. We left at about 11:30 because some of the more religious family memebers were leaving for midnight mass.
Christmas Day we slept in. (Santa didnt come to our apartment this year lol) We went to NL's sisters house for breakfast and she gave us each a gift. Then we took NL's father lunch because he had to work. After that we were off to NL's brothers house to make lasagna. We hung out with some of NL's cousins and played some Texas Hold'em. We ended the night by going out and seeing Sweeny Tood The Demon Barber of Fleet Street with JP and NL's Cousin SW. I really enjoyed it, But JP didn't know what is was and when the first scene started he looks at us and says, "I just payed 8.50 to watch a musical? F*@%" He got over it though.
Today N and I looked at a house that he is going to make an offer on. Its a brand new 3/2/2 and has a nice size yard. It's a short sale and the Bank is asking 129,000. Another buyer made an offer so were going with 120,000 and hoping for the best. I love the kitchen and the master bedroom's closet. We are really excited about this house. It's in a wonderful neighborhood and located near I 95 and shopping centers and schools. I think it's a really good investment. N's parents are going to put in the up front cost (about 20,000) and N has been preapproved for a mortgage of 110,000 but should end up with one for less than 100,000.
So thats whats going on here. More to come, but for now... Im going to bed. Nighty night!
Monday, December 17, 2007
little friends
I have an ant problem. OK so I know I should try to keep my house a little cleaner... especially the kitchen.. But here is what baffles me- There are NO ANTS where the traces of food are. The ants are actually in my bedroom. NS and I discovered this one night after getting in to bed only to be bitten. He has three- I have 13! It seems that the little buggers are crawling out from under the carpets along the walls and crawling up the side of our bed. So I spent the entire night cleaning up the bedroom and vaccuuming the ones I could get and then went to walmart to buy ant traps. I don't understand why they would be in the bedroom because we don't take food in there. My only guess is that they may have been retreating from rain? (it had rained the day before for about 12 hours on and off and into the night causing up to miss the meteor shower!!)
Thursday, December 06, 2007
just another day...
Nothing much to tell about lately. NL turned 22 on Monday. We celebrated tuesday night at the Jensen Beach Ale House. He had a good time but I was a little depressed. I felt bad because I din't want to bring him down but it is so hard for me to socialize the way he does. NL just opens up to everyone. I on the otherhand am so self concious I just sit in a corner and hope noone notices how much fatter I am. Yes.. that's exactly what I do.
Anyways, Tis the season! And I know its not going to be a very merry one for me this year. I couldn't addord a gift for NL. I also won't be able to get anyone christmas gifts. And my sister JA's 18th birthday is coming up as well... no gift. Aren't I just horrible? I wish I could get SOMETHING for all of them. But unfortunatly, you have to be 6 or under to get way with handmade gifts.
Can you tell this isn't a happy post?
Anyways, Tis the season! And I know its not going to be a very merry one for me this year. I couldn't addord a gift for NL. I also won't be able to get anyone christmas gifts. And my sister JA's 18th birthday is coming up as well... no gift. Aren't I just horrible? I wish I could get SOMETHING for all of them. But unfortunatly, you have to be 6 or under to get way with handmade gifts.
Can you tell this isn't a happy post?
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